Every night I close my eyes, drift off to sleep and get high…

Every night since the day I put the needle down I lay in bed and dread the slipping into my dreamland relapse. As I drift into a coma like state I wonder into a world of dark alleys, endless bags, and dead friends. I become consumed by a mix of memories and flashbacks of places and people who shouldn’t be in my mind. The worst part is when my best friend who passed away in 2017 walks down Weymouth ST. (the alley in my dream/nightmare) and I try to reach out to her and I always awaken or she disappears. I tell myself she is warning me that if I bring this dream to life I will join her. In the beginning these dreams were so realistic that I almost felt guilty. Sometimes I would take “secret naps” so I could visit my deceased friends and get high. I know that sounds so morbid. Recently I attended a NA meeting in a inpatient mental health facility and I brought this topic up thinking “Man this people are about to think I am some kinda sick fuck.” but the responses I received shocked me. I am not alone. So many people experience this odd withdraw symptom.

One thing you must understand is the difference between a relapse PENDING and a relapse AFFIRMING dream. What triggered the dream? Are you hanging around old friends or places you used? Are you feeling stressed or depressed? Be honest with yourself so you can know if this is getting serious and you feel you may be experiencing a crisis and need to seek pre-relapse help.

Next time you have one of these dreams write it down in a journal and when you are awake try to depict what the dream means to you. Do you miss someone who passed? Is something from your past (a trauma) surfacing. Talk about these dreams with someone you trust.

Over time the dreams will lessen and you will start dreaming of other random shit but be prepared incase they come up time to time.

Sweet dreams!

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Written by KelseyMcFall

Keto loving, yoga pants wearing, Chevy spark driving Recovery blogger!

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