When your in rehab or detox you feel safe. You cant get high (usually), hopefully your not around your old pals that you used with, and your in a fairly stable environment. But once those discharge papers are signed and your out in the world a relapse can happen without a second thought
I never really thought anything could “trigger” me into wanting to get high until I was 2 weeks out of detox and I was in a group watching a popular show called Intervention. The episode starred a young girl who was a heroin and crack addict. The camera crewed filmed her mixing up her dope and filling up her needle. At this point I am white knuckled, sweating, and checking my ATM balance. All I wanted to do was get high after seeing this. I guess I had relapse written all over my face because another clinic member pulled me aside and said ” I saw your reaction during group today, maybe you should avoid watching Intervention since it is a TRIGGER for you.”. At that moment I realized how quick seeing something could fuck my head up and put my sobriety in jeopardy.
Everyone can have different triggers and they do fade away over time. My good friend could not get shots or have blood work done, a guy I met in NA could not drink bottled water or use cotton swabs, and I obviously cant watch Intervention.
Once you figure out what sets that spark off in your mind that puts you into “get high mode”, you need to admit to yourself that you can be triggered, tell someone you trust how you feel. Then you need to avoid the triiger till you know your ready to face it. When and if you decide to face your trigger, never do it alone. Being alone can be a trigger!
Most importantly be honest with yourself. Cutting out a small thing that puts your life at risk is worth biting your pride and admitting you have issues, we all do.